Since September we have been celebrating various cancer-related anniversaries: The day the bleeding started! D-day (diagnosis day)! The anniversary of surgery #1! Typically these anniversaries involve eating lots of good food and drinking some yummy craft beer or fancy bottle of wine and just thinking about how much has happended in the just-over-a-year since it all began. Given that everything turned out so well, these are very happy anniversaries.
Recently, however, we got a reminder of all the worries and anxiety we were dealing with last fall and winter. Just a couple weeks ago I went for a regular MRI (I will be having these either once or twice a year, I can't remember) and received a call from my doctor that there was something visible in the MRI that warranted a follow-up ultrasound. They felt it was very benign looking and nothing to worry about, but that I should still do the follow-up scan to better characterize this mysterious little "nodule." Depending on what they found they might have to recommend a core biopsy - - the same procedure that had me bleeding all over the floor and fainting last year!
I was totally fine leading up to the appointment and then the night before I became so nervous that I started getting really cranky and irritable. The next day I was sick to my stomach and couldn't eat lunch. At the ultrasound, the tech spent an awful lot of time go over one particular spot. It reminded me of the ultrasound I had last year, when the tech kept focusing on the same one spot and looking all concerned. Last year, the tech was concerned because she saw something she didn't like. This year, as it turned out, the tech was all concerned-looking because she couldn't find anything where the MRI had shown the suspicious finding. She called in the doctor, who redid the entire ultrasound and confirmed that the "nodule" was nowhere to be found. In the end, she decided she will compare last year's MRI to this year's before making a final assessment, but said she is not worried at all about what she had originally seen - it could have just been the curve of a blood vessel.
I was instantly reassured and completely trust this doctor's instincts; however, for nearly 24hrs leading up to that moment, I found myself once again thinking about surgeries, treatments, radiation, chemo, drugs, implants, wigs, hair scarves, drains, pain, taking time off, etc, etc. How happy I am that I was able to walk out of that doctor's office and leave all those thoughts behind me.... I suppose this calls for another celebration!
This holiday season I am definitely grateful for my health and the health of my family.
